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Perpetual Melody
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 You fill my senses with fragrances galore Like a walk in the clouds and a soak in the rains And I ache for your love, and it throbs, it throbs And gushes to my lips - the urge to hold you tight Look into my eyes and feed my hunger, and I can tell It'll kill me, this desire, but kiss me insane I know I'm your fantasy and your dream I know you can't resist or deny anymore Let me drown in your laughter and drink from your eyes And flow under you like liquid chocolate In your arms in your arms, take me off my feet Let's sway to the music, make love all night Untangle the knots in my smoky curls and dance on me Pour into me till I reek of you! Let your touch bloom like an oasis.. rain, invade Ignite every longing of my parched heart Till it beats in tandem with yours Linger in me after you've left, love me such.. tonight! - Archana |
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Santosh (15.2.08 13:00) Hey too good...u r awesome... |
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Amol J. (15.2.08 14:49) Wow, thats very well expressed ... this is what is needed the passion.. you are getting there.. Well done!! .. I like.. I like.. |
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PerpetualMelody (16.2.08 03:26) Hey! i'm glad you liked it. I was working on this since quite some time.. my 1st attempt at writing a song, though i admit it doesn't have any rhyme or meter 
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Max / Website (16.2.08 04:08) Hi adorable Geek, As a song this is pretty good, and I can hear the strains of my favorite 'You Fill Up My Senses...' by the incomparable John Denver. For decades I have been writing songs, so I think I can make a few qualified observations: 1. You have strained yourself too much, to keep track of an emotion, the 'lyrics' of the song have suffered. 2. Some lines need pruning badly 3. If you sing it like John Denver you will feel some lines straining you...too long, too clunky. 4. Never lose sight of the lyrical quotient, emotions be damned. Or else make it a poem. In a poem you focus only on emotions, not on words, structure, meter, syllables...those things count in a song. Hope I am no deflating your mood, Geek. This song needs minor bug-fixes. Do that. love Max 
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SHEKHAR (16.2.08 05:08) NICE ONE.... I LIKED IT.. 
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anand khedkar (2.3.08 15:51) thats amazing! u have a rare talent of expressing thoughts in words without bieng cheap or vulgar.. i liked the passion n intensity... At the cost of bieng judgemental, I must say u come across as a woman who is very much aware of her sensuality n sexuality and also knows it how to express well as there is a thin line that demarcates a good article from a cheap n vulgar 1! Keep it up, kindle the fire n then stoke it so that it rages all nite!
but must admit though that it is a good article n not a poem or song,bcoz there is no rhyme in it... thats my personal opinion though[ ]
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Guess (12.3.08 04:59) If you remove the snap with this song then it may not sound that gr8.
Anyways, I liked the 4th para. |