Dan Husain
/ Website
(13.10.05 18:21)
"of thought decision planning... condemned to this existence, a whole i could never be. with exasperation and aftermath of chaos, distraught was the physical form threading those dark alleys." If something could be done about this portion that the poem could leap fron being good to being great. The tone isn't in consonance with the rest of the poem. It smacks of self-pity. Takes away the reader's sympathy from your protagonist. I am sure that is not the idea. But the rest of the poem is lovely. And the end is beautiful. :-)) I mean it. :-) Cheers Dan
(31.10.05 10:45)
yeah i agree actually... need to make it crisper... its also too long and detailed for a poem i guess
david raphael israel
/ Website
(3.2.06 12:49)
Archana, this seems a particularly interesting poem -- as I've noted on my own blog, your poem called to mind one by Gary Snyder (which poem I've just now blogged; see under today's date). Following up from the above, it's certainly possible you could condense the poem such that it could display the form of a sonnet (sonnets without rhyme exist as a 20th century thing)--as one solution (in terms of form). The focus on the thread, as charged image for condensed experience, is a fascinating one to note here.
(6.2.06 05:09)
ok, d.i., now tell me if this sounds better:
i came to love myself in fragments: formidable, transmuting threads in the cryptic tracery that life is
strived to find meanings, structures thread by thread fragment by fragment essence of every knot, wring, weave
sniffing out roads haywire realized the futility of decision, planning. with exasperation and aftermath of chaos distraught was the physical form
and the soul moved ahead unaffected, unabashed, threadbare...
click
(19.12.11 14:52)
I dont waste my free time in watching video tutorials except I be fond of to read content on net and take updated from most up-to-date technologies. click
