Another questionnaire on relationships - Perpetual Melody

I’ve always hated the good-for-nothing questionnaires that reputed newspapers, magazines have been dishing out to their readers since ages now!

An instance of this: Questions every woman needs to ask herself, TOI, dated Nov 2, 2005

This article talks about how a woman should choose her partner, and what all things she must take into consideration:

What are the key things I value in another individual:
Ok... the first point is worth consideration. Every relationship is a mirror of ourselves. So we obviously look out for those qualities in another individual that we ourselves possess and believe in, or those we would like to possess.
What are my hobbies:
On C’mon! No two people have exactly the same hobbies and the same likes and dislikes. Also, it’ll be quite monotonous and boring if both were exactly on the same page as far as hobbies are concerned! You cannot make a checklist of all your hobbies and disqualify the prospective groom on that basis! How insane! What’s important is to be tolerant towards each other’s interests and let him/her pursue what he/she likes! And why just that? Even partake his/her interests. It’ll increase your sphere of activities.
Do I like to go out and socialize on a regular basis, or do I want to cocoon?
Am not sure about this one. Often I’ve observed that one of the partners is more outgoing than the other, and that’s not a major cause of conflict! Personally speaking, I’m outgoing most of the times, but I also like to enjoy quiet evenings at home quite a few times. I believe that every person should be balanced. If I feel like going out some evening, I would be happy if my spouse joins along, though accompanying me for the sake of my happiness will be at his discretion, and vice-versa. Now there has to be enough love and understanding to be able to manage these things well, and has nothing do with individual diverse interests.
Is this person my emotional, social and intellectual equal?
Imagine both being too touchy cry babies! What a mess the house will be in! And it doesn’t even help both of them being head strong! One has to be emotionally stronger than the other. You have to oscillate between being dominating and submissive, as the situation demands. We all are sensitive about some issues and are ok with the rest. Accordingly we could be heady at times, and tolerant at other times! There is no uniform pattern in our own behaviour, how can we expect it from our spouse?

As far as social equivalence goes, I agree to an extent that it’s important.
About intellectual equivalence, I consider myself to be an extraordinarily intelligent being. From where do I find a matching mate? ... kidding... as far as two people can make a relatively intelligent and stimulating conversation, it doesn’t matter who excels who! The moment there are ego clashes and power plays, the relationship is doomed for failure.
Does this person share my faith and spirituality?
Get over this same faith same creed thing! People hailing from different spiritual backgrounds can lead happy lives. With a tolerant approach it’s easy to conquer differences.
What did I like and not like about my Dad and his relationship with my mother?
No two relationships are parallel; each one is destined to its own consequences. So get out of the comparison mode. Just because that’s one relationship that we have probably observed most closely, it doesn’t mean that’s the only benchmark!
What kind of personality am I drawn towards?
They say ‘Opposites attract’.
They also say ‘Likes adhere’.
I do not know what kind of a person I am drawn towards. Just that I adore honesty and a ‘live and let live’ attitude. As I’ve changed over the years, my preferences have changed too! And I’ve liked men, made friends with them based on what I had valued at ‘that’ point of time in life. I liked certain traits of theirs, and hated some. How does one demarcate?
What kind of history (baggage) does each one of you bring to the relationship?
Let bygones be bygones for God’s sake! Each person should be mature enough to not look behind. Generally people tend to search traces of x-partners in their current ones. You’ll be putting yourself up for severe disappointment if you do so! And if you are not over your past relationships, you are not eligible for a new one yet! Mend your heart first and only then think about giving it to somebody else.
As far as past history goes, personally, I’ve no qualms about it. Past is past. As long as it doesn’t interfere with the present, it doesn’t make any difference to me at all!
What are my weaknesses and what I might need in a man to balance those out?
Before putting up this demand do you even stop to think about evening out your partner’s weaknesses? Any balancing act happens naturally and over a course of time. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle where pieces automatically fall into place, just that you two shouldn’t be polar opposites of each other!
What will I absolutely not tolerate in his behaviour or attitude to life?
Ok... I’ll buy this... There are certain things we can’t absolutely tolerate. Personally, I wont tolerate an abusive greedy flirtatious dishonest over-bearing suppressive husband. There is nothing as repulsive to me as these traits in people.

To enter matrimony, there are no manuals that can help you choose your ideal partner, or show you the correct path. There’s guidance inside each one of us. Trusting and following it is all what it takes. You’ll know if it’s the right person if you look within. Only if these questionnaires cease to be published by the media! It’ll make people’s lives much happier.