david raphael israel
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(2.2.06 09:53)
Quite effective as an unrhymed sonnet; the experience is well translated to poetry, well uttered, and made into the more-abstract thing a poem is. I think there's a hint of ambivilence about "language level" in the poem (speaking now in terms of vocabulary and what can feel like conventional utterance from say 100 years ago, versus demotic utterance of our time). I'm not sure this is a bad thing; but it is a notable characteristic of the poem. Such a thing can be, for some poets, a kind of middle path -- a purposeful mixing of the language levels. And maybe it's, too, a natural Gemini approach. In any case, it's something worth being aware of, I'd hazard saying. Which you may be; but as self-appointed poetry remarker, I'm making the remark. To be more specific, the first line could fit well in a poem of 100 years ago, the 2nd could not: "get back together" is a more vernacular, less classical phrase than "for the sake of lost love." As said, it may be these work interestingly together -- they seem indeed to work partly by generating some spark of energy through subtle friction of the two levels of language. In the 3rd line, there's an interesting hint of some stock phrase in "For all that happened"; more logically, this could be "Despite all that happened"; but apparently, "For all that happened" has its own nicely conventinal underpinning (even though I'd been barely aware of it, I sense it). We see again the same precise pairing of language levels here in this couplet: line 3's "For all that happened" is a turn of phrase with a hint of history in folksong or folk utterance, i.e. it hails from some antiquity of storytelling; whereas "great friends" is fairly more contemporary (although I dare say the phrase would not be out of place in a Henry James story -- but it would be used with mild irony by him most likely, as demonstrating the the fresh naive style of thought of some fresh naive character, perhaps; it could appear in other American prose quite comfortably). . . . but I'll cut short this line-by-line analysis, rather much for this space. Except, the more useful observation may be regarding line 9. "I had but lost all desire" is again in 19th century usage ("I had but"); one who's read a bit of poetry will grasp what this signals; it's a specifically literary phrasing. (A more demotic / vernacular phrasing could be something like "I had merely" or "I had just".) I think a poem that exists largely as a literary-language expression, but that takes in some naturalistic vernacularisms, is an interesting place on the slope of language on which the poem's tree can be planted, or angle for its perch. Leaving aside the hyper analysis, the tale told must be a not so uncommon one, but rarely told this tersely & well (and oftentimes not told at all). Resort to sonnet form proves effective (as said at start): experience condensed into an album page. ciao, d.i.
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