I was asked to write about my views on women's liberation. It was then that I actually thought about it! before that, it just followed naturally to me. This was the first time that I put my thoughts on paper... err... online so here I go...
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Most people (men and women) wrongly equate women’s liberation and feminism with equality between men and women in all walks of life. I have different views about women’s liberation though.
I won’t go into the details of how women were harassed in the past and how most are still subject to a man’s whims and fancies and blah blah. I’ll simply delve into what I mean by women’s liberation.
Liberation means liberty from the shackles of another person. Now liberty in what sense? God made women and men differently, and it follows that their roles in the society are also different! It would be foolish to challenge these laws and try and compete with the men in all spheres. Why question equality or inequality every single time? Why not acknowledge the differences and strike for a harmonious balance?
What I wish for is equal opportunities to express oneself. Women should have the right to speak their mind and be respected and accepted for that. Their opinions should be counted and they shouldn’t be looked down upon. They are human beings too and should get the complete right to lead their lives the way they want to. They should have the right to make a choice in important matters like marriage, child-birth, family planning, career planning, decisions regarding her child’s education, etc. when a woman comes home after a day’s work, the husband should share the load of house hold work equally. She shouldn’t be treated as a machine used to procreate and work. She should be handed over the complete reins of the house and be allowed to run it the way she wants to. She should be allowed to make mistakes. She should have sexual freedom.. now this is a controversial topic, but if a man can have it, so can a woman! She should be allowed to enter temples during ‘those’ days. Marriage shouldn’t be regarded as the ultimate goal of her life. Physical abuse should stop at all costs and women should raise their heads against it. Dowry practices should be stopped. Female foeticide should be banned. In a failed marriage, the woman is not always to be blamed. Compromise should be done by both partners to make a marriage/relationship work. And yes, Ekta Kapoor soaps should be banned
Liberation means freedom of thought, freedom of the soul; emotional non-dependence, and completeness regardless of a man.
The two sexes are different. Being a woman, I would like to pampered silly by my husband, and in turn I would like to take care of him and pamper him as well. Sometimes it’s healthy to assume natural roles. I would appreciate if he holds the door open for me (although chivalry isn’t a pre-requisite), or does the heavy duty work at home. Its important that a man celebrate her feminity (not the same as feminism.. it means womanhood) as well.
This would happen only if the society changes its attitude towards women, when the girl’s parents realize that girls should be educated for reasons other then them getting a good husband if they have good education! They should be made financially independent so that they don’t have to tolerate a man just because they are monetarily poor. They should stand up and respect themselves first, and only then can they expect respect from the men; stand up and fight for what they believe in; project a no-nonsense attitude at the work place; work hard for what they believe in despite initial setbacks; have the determination and grit to change their condition (God helps them who help themselves.. don’t wait for somebody else to change your lot) Only when they stand up and create a place for themselves will the society change and accept them for who they are. Finally, don’t expect anything from the society. Of course, not much of what I mentioned above can happen without adequate support of the society and family; but I believe you are as helpless as you want to be. Start with changing your surroundings first, and the rest shall follow suite.
Parag
(7.9.06 04:35)
Interesting views Archana What if you get a house-husband who is ready to do all household work including cooking?
PerpetualMelody
(7.9.06 04:56)
uh uhh... i never said i wanted a house-husband. i talked about sharing the work-load, not about burdening any one person with!
Hemant Pawar
(7.9.06 05:11)
Well your article couldnt have come at a more appropriate tie. In todays times when the headlines are hogged by two distinct contrasting news. It makes one wonder where we as a nation and as a part of the global development stand.
The news were..the finding of 30+ girl child foeticides in a well in punjab, and the appointment of Indra Nooyi as the Pepsi co chief also making her the 4th most powerful woman on the forbes ranking.
Never before had I thought the media would give out such contrasting signals when reporting these two hugely different news items. At one end thy garnered immense symoathy and spotlight on the female infacticide that still goes on in this country.
ON the other hand, they went overboard writing about how "average" (??) Indra Nooyi was in her IIM years??? ANd how no one expected her to be there?
What are we talking about here? Are we forgettting that the average of an IIM is still better than the best of most aspirants. COuldnt they have concentrated more on her achievements in filling uo the gaps between her and her classmates and the way she achieved it,???
Its surprising such people work under the same roof and write for the smae newspaper. SO you are bang on...the buck stops right at your doorstep, and we start cleaning our own house before looking elsewhere.
Womens liberation has always been equated (deliberately?)more with their sexual freedom and expession rather than ther professional and creative achiements. So "womens liberation" as you have rightly put it holds different meaning to different people.
Naina Lal Kidwai
Kiran Majumdar SHaw
Lalitha Gupte
Vidya Murkumbi
Lila Poonawala
and so on and so forth...
If they do.. great, we alreayd are seeing some changes here. These people made it big irrespectve of any support from the friends and family. Thier achivement is no less that say someone like Sabeer Bhatia, whom people already have voted as some icon !
Today SUdha Murthy is more recognized (though she has done great charity work too) as Infy Chairmans Narayan Murthys wife. Why cant we call her as the more succesfull (better ?? ) manager of Narayan Murthys personal/family life, which allowed him to do what he did best - creating Infosys?
The importance of a "home maker" instad of a housewife in similar scenarios is still not been accepted and given due recognition unfortunately .
EVen today when you look around to see the "rare" intercaste marriages in orthodox families, the guy is well accepted and easily forgiven by the family members, whereas the girl has to fight tooth and nail to gain re-acceptance, and is still not succesfull in most of the cases.
In todays nuclear family driven generation, the husband and wife should be able to weigh and balance each others qualities, to decide how much and who should compromise if at all need be, and prevent any possiblity of an isolated marital discord & eminent failure.
This decision "definitely" needs a (more) active role and say, by the wife, in matters of profession, ambition and family planning.
Also the invisible "bias", insecurity or discrimiation is not limited to the INdian shores.
If UKs richest woman J.K ROwling spends thousand of hard earned poundss on her vacation, people start ridicling her, knowing her simple and poor upbringing before she became famous. Why do the same people hesitate to ask Larry Elision why he does not even have a office in Oracles HQ, and spends most of his time playing golf or buying yachts? Isnt he more responsible knowing where the inerstes of his shaeholders lie?
AMelie Mauresmo is sneered at for being manly (which actually is a compliment to her physical training and hardships she has taken) and openly coming out as a lesbian (attributing her success to finding love) , underminig her sparkling achievemtns in tennis.
The same people pay hundreds of pounds for watching anna kournikova loose the umpteenth time to some nonentity.
The apparel makers must be blesing Maria sharapova, for balancng the glamour quotient with the quality of her game, otherwise someone would actually suggest womens start playing tennis in track suits..!! By the way, it was quite amusing to hear (again -have heard it before many times ) about the restrcition of entry to temples for women during "those days" of the month. Not becuase I am a guy, but from whatever knowledge I have about the female biological structure, isnt it supposed to be one of the most important indication of the "presence" of the biggest gift from the god to a woman.."fertility" or "ability to procreate naturlly" ?? So, shouldnt "those days" be in fact considered like " some sort of thanksgiving ??" :-) days and women given "priority entry ! " .??? :-))
Anyway.., I have a simple suggestion going ahead. This should come from the parenting stage and subsequent filtering to their coming generation especially the boys.
We always tend to have gender bias in role models.
Why cant an aspiring MBA guy want to become like Kiran Shaw instead of Sabeer Bhatia? Or why cant a sports fanatic think of Anju bobby George or Sania Mirza as role models instead of Sachin Tendulkar? WHy cant a male singer think to achieve the heights of a Lata Mangeshar instead of a Kishore kumar or Sonu Nigam? Is this some kind of a forced mental block that we have developed over the past so many generations??? Arent we all lookming at the same set of objectives - hardwork, quality, perseverance, and success, irrespective of the gender? ..
(though i admit the money/fame in cricket drives people crazy..so one of my examples just does not count ..)
Just to end with....womens liberation ..in the true sense..still has a long way to go, and guys should thank god first for being born as guys..!! And hats off to (most of) the girls (mind you, not ALL.I know plenty who have a different meaning for late nights, independance, freedom etc :-)) for successfully balancing the changes that are taking place in todays "slowly but surely liberating" world with their subsequent position/role in the family and society.!
abhishek
(11.11.06 11:36)
i dont think there can be any two views about what you said. but there is something i would like to add as to why such equality didn't come about or might be difficult to come about.
its all got to do with the power distribution. men were powerful because they did the work that was more necessary for immediate survival: the hard physical labour and fighting.
in future as physical labour becomes inessential for survival and networking skills and intelligence becomes more important .. the power structure will change and u might see a complete reversal of roles ... there was a sci-fi story (dont remember the author) titled "eMANcipation" which was about gender role reversal ... and it seems pretty likely ... given the fact that attempt to correct the historical imbalance between males and females will result in overcorrection ( another theory about thesis resulting in antithesis). i dont think this overcorrection will be very soon but certainly it will be lot sooner than we expect.
~i think i should start my own blog. i mean blogs are personal opinions and i shouldn't be using yours to propound my theories ... but .... i did .
anand khedkar
(7.12.07 18:48)
i would like to know ur opinion in todays world of equal opportunity employers where girls/brides still expect their prospective husband to earn more than them.don't u think that its an implicit acknowledgment of an inferiority complex!
PerpetualMelody
(10.12.07 13:28)
Umm… interesting point; I have pondered over it many a times myself its not about inferiority complex, I can tell you! It probably is because of the conditioning that we’ve had. The man in the house has to be the bread earner. I personally would prefer that kind of a situation (husband earning more than wife) because I want to steer clear of any complications at the beginning of the relationship. Men tend to have a big ego and the wife earning more than them may not gel well with their psyche. I would also like him to earn more than me because I would like to dabble and try out a lot of things in my professional life and he would give the necessary financial stability That also applies to the scenario when you have kids. And then, I am sure that men enjoy the care-takers role to the hilt, no? But of course, I have no issues if I am the earning member and my husband wants to experiment with some other things/professions. So, its relative you see. Most men are yet to grow out of their superiority complex! And unfortunately, most women are yet to gain complete financial independence and get out of the "dependent" mindset.
anand khedkar
(10.12.07 18:54)
u r absolutely right.when it comes to ego , most men r mcp's , most girls look towards a guy's ability to provide her and her family (future)security in all aspects be it emotional or financial no questions on that...period...men want the wife to bring in the moolah but r not ready 2 accept the fact that she is an equal partner and should be treated as an equal..to me the root cause of this situation is that both are yet to fully understand and accept the reality that women r equal and given the right opportunities can progress more ...there is an interesting twist to this psyche for both the genders...as u said ....initially the situation is man makes more money than wife...somewhere later down the line...after the kids come into the picture...the wife progresses more than the husband, makes more money...then what will u do?chuk the job or husband?same question needs to be answered by us more seriously?ask her 2 leave us or the job?think about it
on a more personal note I have no qualms with the what my would be partner earns or will earn...firstly ,to me freedom is the most important of all the human values...and all other aspects of freedom be it emotional or spiritual are ultimately linked to financial freedom...it gives us the confidence to live life the way we want n dream..and i have always believed that the wife is the equal partner ...
PerpetualMelody
(24.12.07 09:28)
I don't know... I haven't really thought about it, but then this scenario is too far off in the distance to worry myself insane over it right now; I have too many worries anyway It is quite possible that I earn more than my husband tomorrow; but then I guess till that time there will be enough understanding between us which will help us take it in the right spirit. But if confronted, and asked to chose between home or career, I'm not sure what I'd do. Mutual respect and understanding are very essential in a marriage. If my husband does not understand my need to have an identity for myself apart from that of being a wife and a mother, I don't think I can be happy with him, and how then, can I keep him happy?.. what kind of a marriage would it be then? I strongly believe that having individual interests and professions definitely makes the conjugal existence more beautiful. Even then, I'm sure a lot of women are faced with this question daily, not everybody decides to chuck their husbands. Reasons could be various - kids, society, emotional dependence, insecurity, fear of loneliness, fear of starting life anew.. Poeple compromise and stay together for old times' sake, trying to borrow happiness from the faces of those you love... So well, I don't really know. At this stage, I feel very confident that I'd be able to handle that kind of a situation. But then, I won't challenge destiny, will simply hope for the best instead
anand khedkar
(30.12.07 17:51)
I am happy to learn about your confidence The bottom line is understanding!!
I believe for any relation, especially between husband and wife,to be healthy it has to be symbiotic in nature, vice versa we can put it that all unhealthy relations are parasitic in nature. As you aptly said that maybe for the sake of the happiness of my family I would leave the career.I really do admire and a have great respect for this sacrificing attitude of women (read Indian women).But at the same time it saddens me no end that for the sake of saving the family they have to make such huge sacrifices.
I sincerely hope that you don'y have to go these tribulations, and my apologies if I have bothered(wasn't aware you had other worries.)
here's another teaser for you.
Tomorrow if you were to get a longterm assignment thats away from your family, will you ask your husband to relocate with you as most guys assume and ask their wives's to relocate?
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